photo blurred to protect the innocent

The summer before my senior year, my boyfriend was getting ready to leave on his mission. We were coming to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to “put myself in cold storage for two years.” So we thought it would be fun to put up an online personal ad for me on Yahoo (back when dating on the internet was SO faux pas). While we were at it, we did one for him too.

Woman seeks Man: I’m just a Girl!
Salt Lake City, UT
Seeking: Short-term relationship, activity partner, pen pal
Age: 17 Ethnicity: Caucasian Religion: Christian
Profile: Athletic/fit, 5’9″, non-smoker, non-drinker, no children

Description: If you’re rich, I’m single! Shower me with money and gifts if you wish, but I’d be just as happy going dutch. I am looking for some new friends, preferably LDS, to spend my short abundance of free time with this summer. I consider myself to beautiful, but not fake; Serious, but I know how to have a rockin’ good time; Intelligent, but I’m still working on my Nobel Peace Prize; Mega-feminine, but good luck playing sports against me. Affectionate, but I never kiss on a first date. I love to sing, act, learn, and make the most out of life. You’ll have to get used to me singing along with the radio in the car, but I sing like a pro! I enjoy anything outdoors, especially hiking, swimming, repelling, camping, and sometimes even gardening! There’s a lot more to me than can fit into one paragraph, so if I strike your fancy, “Leave me a message at the beep and I’ll get right back to you” <>

Contact: Citrusfruit

*****
Man seeks Woman: I am in a fishing mood
Salt Lake City, UT
Age: 19 Ethnicity: White Religion: Christian
Education: College Employment: Full time
Profile: Slim/Waifish, 6’1″, non-smoker, non-drinker, no children

Description: So you want to be a wizard. Looking for a little magic? Well search no further. I enjoy long conversations, as long as I am the one talking. I enjoy a variety of interests as long as I choose. I will go out with anyone as long as you pay. If I sound like your archangel, I am. Time and all eternity as long as I control the remote. Being carried across the threshold?…if you insist but don’t hurt your back. If you enjoy a whole 100 pound man, I am your Fabio. If you are looking for an eternal flame, I am your heavenly match. Cuddle on the couch, as long as my team isn’t playing. So write me and if I am impressed enough I will think about responding. I take great pride in my humility.

Contact: okiiniwatori